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Florida Tea Party: Socialist Sea Cows Want Your Freedom!

July 13, 2011

The Socialist Manatee Wants To Gets His Flippers On Your Medicare!How do you follow a gang-buster year of derailing a crucial high-speed rail infrastructure project, squashing public schools, turning back the clock on voting rights,  curtailing the civil liberties of the needy and public employees and cementing corruption in state government? If you’re the Tea Party of Florida, you keep the streak alive by going after the next logical target: manatees!

A Citrus County tea party group has announced that it’s fighting new restrictions on boating and other human activities in Kings Bay that have been proposed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.

“We cannot elevate nature above people,” explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.” [St. Petersburg Times – h/t @rayseaman]

If you’re not familiar with that portion of the Bill of Rights, don’t worry – just go with it. It gets better:

“We believe that (federal regulators’) aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit. … As most of us know, this all ties in to the United Nations’ Agenda 21 and Sustainability.”

Agenda 21 is a program, adopted by the U.N. in 1992, to encourage countries around the world to promote only development that does not harm nature. Pundit Glenn Beck and other conservatives have attacked it as an attempt to impose world government’s rules on every aspect of American lives. The Citrus County tea party group’s website says Agenda 21 is “designed to make humans into livestock.”

And better…

Mattos said she enjoys showing off the manatees to her grandchildren, but she had little use for the Save the Manatee Club, explaining, “If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we’d be living in Jurassic Park now.”

While this episode is unfortunate for the manatees, it’s an embarrassment of riches in terms of Tea Party jokes. I know, I know, I’m a snobby elitist.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 6, 2011 1:30 pm

    Nice read, Thanks

    • May 26, 2012 12:14 am

      in class but it still doesn’t make me feel any better. We elect these pepole into positions of power because we believe in them. We trust them to make the decisions because they are more informed and have the savvy to guide us. I understand that it’s nearly impossible to follow through on all the promises pepole make while campaigning but I still feel like your overall mission should be the improvement of society. The fact that a majority of politicians seemingly promise one thing and then turn around and do nearly the opposite is frustrating and wrong. After finding out more about the prison system I join your view on how terrible it is. It’s a system that is being taken advantage of pepole who know how to take advantage of it and no one is apparently stopping them. I realize that this is a little out of the realm for this class but the two ideas are definitely connected. While we can’t solve all the problems solving one may help solve the others.

  2. July 13, 2011 11:46 am

    It would truly be funny were it not for the fact these people want a say in running our country and may indeed have a say.

    If the economy does not wreck the USA, being led by dumb-asses will. 😦

  3. July 13, 2011 11:43 am

    I went through something similar with Iran’s whales…don’t ask.

    Or do!


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