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Breaking! Vial of Reagan’s Blood Up For Auction, GOP Now In Favor Of Cloning

May 22, 2012

Luckily, some sicko bastard kept hold of a vial used to contain a sample of Ronald Reagan’s blood following the 1981 attempt on his life. That vial is now up for auction.  While the Reagan Foundation may be understandably offended by this ‘craven act’, a little bird tells me that many in the Republican Party have suddenly “found religion” on the issue of human cloning. They’re now totally for it! But only as it pertains to the ‘Gipper’ — and are secretly drafting legislation to a) formally deify Ronald Reagan, and b) declare the legalization of the cloning of officially deified former GOP presidents.

Best case scenario, they hope for success before the GOP convention in Tampa, when they will otherwise be fatally tied to Mitt Romney for this cycle. Assuming this may be too ambitious, researchers are working on back-up plans to “upgrade” Romney through accelerated mutation enhanced with extracted Reagan DNA. Who says the GOP hates Science?

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