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Because Everyone Thinks Sexy-Time When They Think Of Michele Bachmann

May 21, 2013

A love that cannot spell its name?What do you get when you cross Rep. Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign with a Harlequin Romance? The steamy new, sure-to-be best-seller Fires of Siberia, that’s what! Yes, gawd help us, Michele Bachmann has managed to inspire a lot of things since she burst upon the national scene a few years back, and she has now managed to inspire a romance novel. (A sexy-time romance novel, kids!) Full of danger, passion and steamy, steamy red state sexy-time in the tundra. (Did we mention steamy?)

Inspired by the life of Tea Party leader and Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, “Fires of Siberia” is an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance that brings the heat for the 2013 summer beach reading season. Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues—her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger—a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass. Trapped in a wilderness of snow and ice, the two begin a journey that pushes Danielle to the brink. There she must confront her deepest self and choose between civilization and a wild, primitive ecstasy. [Press Release – Badlands Unlimited, publisher]

Coming June 1st to Kindles and iPads, all 153 pages can be yours for only $2.99. (I’m pre-ordering now!) Publisher Badlands Unlimited has provided some excerpts:

“…If you could tell me just one thing about yourself, something that has nothing to do with politics, what would it be? What makes you Danielle Powers?”

Danielle looked pensively at the reporter as they approached the airport. For once she felt appreciative of the question. Everyone was always nettling, trying to make her slip on the banana peels of her own responses. (Who cares if it was John Wayne or John Wayne Gacy.) It was nice to be asked about who she was rather than what they wanted her to be.

From the duffel bag Steadman retrieved a pair of sandwiches and two nips of Chivas Regal, and there was the snow for them to slurp as drinking water. He laid down a plastic tarp and three wool blankets. They ate and drank in silence.

Afterward, the fatigue caught up to her. She crawled under the blankets to warm herself.

“We’ll need to use each other for body heat,” Steadman said.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

Cover art aside, the creepiest part about this has to be knowing that Sarah Palin is probably watching the whole thing from her house.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. May 21, 2013 8:54 pm

    Holy moley that was funny…

  2. May 21, 2013 8:30 pm

    Oh my. I might just have to fire up the bigot-mobile and pick me up a copy!

    In all seriousness, there should be more authors pushing the genre envelope like this. Smutty or not, inspiration comes from all places, from all directions. I will not be reading this, perhaps that’s a conceit of mine — but I applaud the author.

    -C.F.

  3. May 21, 2013 8:25 pm

    Reblogged this on Leaning Left and commented:

    For your entertainment…

  4. May 21, 2013 8:01 pm

    I just threw up a little in my mouth – and all over the rest of me, too, I breathed heavily as my fingers scrambled for purchase on the Diebold voting machine.

    • May 21, 2013 8:48 pm

      “my fingers scrambled for purchase”

      That’s some quality bodice-ripper jargon! I am coming to you when I’m ready to write the George & Condi story.

      • May 22, 2013 8:26 am

        LOL! Actually, that was a typo. It was supposed to say “scrabbled.”

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